Hot girl to burnt girl 🔥

Thank you so much to all the new family that has joined us , and for all the feedback I received.I hope you enjoy !

Have you had some water today? I hope you had some , and enough for the both of us!

I got burnt this summer trying to be hot. If you got burnt out to a crisp trynna chase the bag this summer don’t go NO WHERE.

I was trying to be a hot girl* and

that was a flop girl. lol.

In addition to our busy lives as students, workers, and organizers on a daily basis we owe it to ourselves not to add another stressor in pursuit of a dollar. Filling out applications, waiting for reply emails on indeed ( and getting a million spam text and calls instead), and sometimes working weird jobs that we never imagined ourselves doing but wanting to make that coin so bad that we will go that low.

A dollar make us holla sis? 

 I guess that can be answered "YES! Ma'am" by my ENTIRE summer being focused on only having a job. I kept a job ( three different jobs actually) and now I don’t have one. I'm not looking right now and Im not interested. All the jobs really helped me earn was some demons I thought I faced in life already. The jobs helped me pay alright ; Pay attention to what’s worth my time and energy.  Before I started working, I retired my hardwired and anxious busy-body brain to a more calm and adaptable person.

I was able to wake up and handle my daily problems with a little journal time or a walk. I  was beginning to learn that my body could handle serenity. I was able to appreciate what it meant to be still and present. Id watch small insects crawl on my yoga mat and me, smile at their adaptability to me being in their way.

I compromised all of that. Just a lick of what I had been wanting to learn to love for so long, and then thrown back into the fast moving world of busy work. Busy filling cups of tartar sauce one by one in 12 minute intervals because there is always one customer that takes like 4. Busy trying to differentiate staff that been here  from staff who hadn’t so I can feel like I am on the same level of importance as at least one person here, even if that’s the lowest level. Or (my personal favorite), busy knocking from door to door explaining that you’re “ Deanna from (unspecified organization) and I am so happy to see you after a year and would like to share with you our one time only tax deductible contribution of $365 dollars which is a dollar a day to keep climate change away”.

I was taught to look through the peep hole and don’t answer if there is a clipboard in their hands and I never seen them before. Thats who I was . I was Jehovahs witness for the trees. They did not open a damn door for me . My black behind in the middle of midwood was canvassing to ask for money about climate change . I  could see joggers running a little faster to tell their neighbors to ignore the doorbell cause I was on the block.

no contributors = no nice money.

But seriously you are living now , you are trying , that is enough. If you were applying for jobs you will find one , but if you don’t that doesn’t mean you never will. Don’t worry about it. You’re doing great, you’ll get your coin. Your future you will thank you for saving the mental space to make sure you were well. 

Forcing it, and putting your face to the floor so you can have the summer you dreamed of is not hot- its burnt. Looking for monetary gratification for how much you feel like you deserve can be waaaaaaaay more disheartening than the check you collect. And to think that I gave up the patience that I learned every single day so I can run over and knock on doors, fill cups, or clean spider-y bathrooms in the woods. Could I have just been fine if I would've stayed watching my bugs and my sunsets while, learning from the serenity of a new- but still regular day.I ,too, thought that I had to sacrifice my mental health in order to keep a job and feel good but, I know I can do work.  I have all my life to get jobs, eventually. Right now (while I don’t have kids or rent forreal ) it's about sacrificing  the time I would spend working on the most important project I have ever worked on in my life, me.

 Don’t get too lost in trying to reach for the sun that you get blinded by the light and end up burnt out to a crisp.

But still get that coin. :)

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